When life outside Brazil seems to be going well, but something still weighs on you inside.
You end a call with the family on Sunday.
The conversation went well. You talked about the week, exchanged news, and laughed at a few things.
But when the call ends, the silence of the house seems even heavier.
On the outside, a lot may have been functioning well.
The career advanced. The routine became more organized. Life gained new possibilities.
Yet that does not erase the longing, the loneliness, or the feeling of still trying to find your place.
Living abroad is more than just changing your address.
You also need to rebuild your references, connections, routine, and sense of belonging.
And this process does not happen in a linear way.
There are days when you feel completely integrated.
At other times, a meal, a song, a conversation in Portuguese, or an important date in Brazil can remind you of the distance from everything that still makes up part of you.
Perhaps one of the most difficult parts is admitting that these two experiences can exist at the same time.
You can acknowledge the opportunities you've earned while still missing the life you left behind.
You may like living away from home and still feel lonely.
You may have made an important choice for your life and continue facing difficulties in adapting.
One thing does not invalidate the other.
The problem begins when you realize that you need to be okay all the time to justify the decision to leave Brazil.
So you continue to function.
Works.
Solve problems.
Meets commitments.
Maintain contact with those who have left.
But they start to notice changes in sleep, difficulty resting, irritability, fatigue, or the sense that time off is never enough.
Perhaps the point isn't to try to eliminate homesickness.
It may be important to understand the place it occupies in your story and to build a life abroad where you do not need to abandon what is also part of who you are.
Belonging does not mean erasing your origins.
It also does not mean choosing between Brazil and the country where you live today.
In many cases, it means being able to build a life that accommodates both of these references.
And perhaps this is an important question:
How has it been for you to live through what you achieved abroad without having to deny homesickness, loneliness, or the difficulties that are also part of this experience?
When these questions start taking up too much space in your routine, psychotherapy can be a place to understand what is happening without having to explain or justify how you feel.
Alexandre Bartoli
Psicólogo – CRP-04 / 86889